with your own penis?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
