So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
