Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
All I want is dick and wine.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
