Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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