i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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