how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize