you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize