You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
