I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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