You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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