I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
