dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
