you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
