I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
