its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
