Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Is it penis luge time yet?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
