According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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