I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
