"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she pinky promised me she was 18
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
