the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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