It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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