I cannot find my penis.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
