Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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