The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can I color on your dick again?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
