See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
