my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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