So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
