Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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