i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
