and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
