perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i think i have two assholes
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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