Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
