I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
