Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
