From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
