he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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