I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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