I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
