seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize