Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
