I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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