Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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