I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
