There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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