your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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