I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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