i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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