If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
