the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
