My room smells like vodka and shame
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I wear drunk well.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
