i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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