best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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