I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
