I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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