I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My vagina is officially offended.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
