Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
