So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
