I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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