Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
