he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
