if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize