Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
