Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
