You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
