I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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