Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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