didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
