If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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