Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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