Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
