I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
