i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
ttyl tear gas
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
