you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
