you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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