I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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