we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
