I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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