Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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